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I was just killing some snaked up here like everyone else, I guess, and finishing the Christmas lights. There is no god, in your face! One dot muthafucka! Grassss… Taste bad! Your special time is your power. It makes you strong like a boob.

It probably has space aids. Morty, you know outer space is up right? We don’t whitewash it either, Morty. I mean, the pirates are really rapey. Those guys are inside you building a piece of shit Ethan! They’re inside you building a monument to compromise! Fuck them, fuck those people, fuck this whole thing Ethan.

Hey, what the fuck, Morty? The train you got me just completely derailed itself. There’s blood all over the windows. Merchandise Morty, your only purpose in life is to buy & consume merchandise and you did it, you went into a store an actual honest to god store and you bought something, you didn’t ask questions or raise ethical complaints you just looked into the bleeding jaws of capitalism and said ‘yes daddy please’ and I’m so proud of you, I only wish you could have bought more, I love buying things so much Morty. You’re like Hitler, but even Hitler cared about Germany or something. Don’t be a baby! You avoid getting shot in real life all the time, Morty! Just do the same thing here and we’ll be fine!

Man, that guy is the Red Grin Grumbold of pretending he knows what’s going on. Oh you agree huh? You like that Red Grin Grumbold reference? Well guess what, I made him up. You really are your father’s children. Think for yourselves, don’t be sheep. Wha, me irresponsible ?! All I wanted you to do was to hand me a screwdriver, Morty! It’s called carpe diem Morty. Look it up. It’s a dream, Morty! We’re in your dog’s dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we-we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside Snuffles’ dream.

Want to piss on him? 5 more minute of this and I’m going to get mad! I’m sorry, Morty, it’s a bummer. In reality, you’re as dumb as they come. And I needed those seeds real bad, and I had to give them up just to get your parents off my back. So now we’re gonna have to go get more. And then we’re gonna go on even more adventures after that, Morty. And you’re gonna keep your mouth shut about it, Morty. Because the world is full of idiots that don’t understand what’s important. And they’ll tear us apart, Morty. But if you stick with me, I’m gonna accomplish great things, Morty. And you’re gonna be part of them. And together, we’re gonna run around, Morty. We’re gonna- do all kinds of wonderful things, Morty. Just you and me, Morty. The outside world is our enemy, Morty. We’re the only friends we’ve got, Morty. It’s just Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty and their adventures, Morty. Rick and Morty forever and forever. 100 years, Rick and Morty’s things. Me and Rick and Morty running around, and Rick and Morty time. All day long forever. All a hundred days. Rick and Morty forever a hundred times. Over and over, rickandmortyadventures.com. www.rickandmorty.com. www.rickandmortyadventures. All 100 years every minute, rickandmorty.com. www.100timesrickandmorty.com. It’s not like we can do this every week, we get 3 or 4 more of these tops.

You look it up, you don’t- you don’t even know what it means. I’m not looking for judgement, just a yes or no. Can you assimilate a giraffe? Allahu blehhhh Akbar! That’s because losers look stuff up while the rest of us are carp’en all them ‘diems.

That’s Right Morty! This is gonna be a lot like that. Except you know. It’s gonna make sense. Existence is pain to a meeseeks Jerry, and we will do anything to alleviate that pain. Not for the men they cheat on. Please god, oh lord, hear my prayers…! YES! Fuck you god, not today bitch!

Morty, I’m a drunk, not a hack. Oh, it gets darker, Morty. Welcome to the darkest year of our adventures. First thing that’s different? No more dad, Morty. I just killed my family! I don’t care who they were! Lick, lick, lick my balls!

Merchandise Morty, your only purpose in life is to buy & consume merchandise and you did it, you went into a store an actual honest to god store and you bought something, you didn’t ask questions or raise ethical complaints you just looked into the bleeding jaws of capitalism and said ‘yes daddy please’ and I’m so proud of you, I only wish you could have bought more, I love buying things so much Morty. We need a hang glider, and a crotch less uncle sam costume, and I want the entire field of your largest stadium covered end to end with naked red heads, and I want the stands packed with every man that remotely resembles my father. Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here’s something that’s never happened before—I’m a pickle! I’m Pickle Ri-i-i-ick! Well he roped me into this!